I was missing GRATITUDE
I remember one of my dreams 2 years ago, we were staying in a million dollar mansion and I was taking the kids to theme parks for the week and I was like… “meh” it doesn’t even feel that “great”… I remember thinking… maybe this is what it feels like to have “made it” maybe it was supposed to feel like “meh”. I remember feeling both guilty + ambivalent about it. No rapturous gratitude. Little appreciation. It was all just “meh”. Then I thought… “Ohh this is why they say MONEY DOESNT MAKE YOU HAPPY”. So then I thought there was something wrong with me, for wanting to achieve my big dreams. I’d finally MADE IT… every damn dream on my decade list of big dreams were done. Now what? Is this how it feels? Just a “meh”?.
So I went on a little creative sabotage journey (which my book writing was a ticket out of)… but it seems like there was one part missing.
All along. It wasn’t successes fault. It was mine. I hadn’t taken the time to be grateful.
I was fake grateful.
You know like the teenage-type gratitude attitude. Like you’re only grateful because you should be… but you’re really not.
That’s what I was.
And finally in the BUSH for a month, with no hot water, no shops nearby, no reception, no salt air, no sand and no sunrises… And the universe BITCHSLAPPED me with a lesson in GRATITUDE! The real kind.
The feel-it-in-your-bones kind…
The brings tears-to-your-eyes kind…
The brings you to-your-knees kind…
The jumping-with-joy kind…
In the month we spent in the BUSH… I learnt how to do that again. Be grateful, feel grateful and act grateful. In every sense of the word.
It’s not successes fault that most people feel “meh” when they achieve it. It’s ours. Because we forgot to remember to be grateful…. and that word doesn’t even feel adequate to describe what it really feels like to be in rapturous gratitude.
Driving the great ocean road and having the most magical day (again) on our big dreams trip (full time holiday!)…
I realised it’s not the success that makes you happy, it’s the rapturous gratitude for it that does.
And that’s the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow
For the first time in my entire 33 years, I saw both ends of a rainbow
Where the pot of gold lays.
Maybe, it took me this long to learn. And maybe the universe was showing its gratitude for me figuring out that all along…
GRATITUDE was all I was missing
Love Jana xx